Have you ever felt bored in a romantic relationship?
Sometimes, even when we really care for someone, we find ourselves getting restless in relationships. This can happen for a number of reasons, and they don’t all mean that the relationship is destined to end or that things need to change. So, what does it mean when you start to feel bored in your relationship?
We’ve all had times in our lives where we’re stuck in a rut. Sometimes it’s situational, like when you’re in school and you’re only able to do so much about your schedule. Or like when we’re in a global pandemic and we’re not able to move around as freely as we used to, meaning we all spend a lot more time at home and bored.
Are you bored, or are you just comfortable?
We have an idea as a culture that love is supposed to be dramatic and intense all the time. In reality, though, love is not the emotional rollercoaster that the movies make it out to be. There are ups and downs, yes, but love in a healthy relationship is comfortable. Feeling comfortable in your relationship might seem boring compared to the highs and lows of new romance, but it’s a sign of growing intimacy, rather than just infatuation.
The honeymoon stage, where everything feels more intense and your chemistry with your partner feels off the charts, doesn’t last forever. That doesn’t mean that the stages of relationships after the honeymoon phase aren’t worthwhile, they’re just not as flashy as the heady feeling of new romance.
Once a relationship is past the honeymoon stage, partners are more comfortable with one another. You might feel like you’re able to get to know your partner on a new, deeper level, or be vulnerable in a way that you weren’t comfortable with before.
If you’re having a hard time deciphering if you’re actually bored or just comfortable, try to get as specific as possible about what you’re feeling.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself:
- What parts of the relationship aren’t working for you right now?
- Is there something you want to change?
- Are you looking for something new, or are you just hoping to shake up your day to day routine a little?
- Do you feel restless with your partner, or do you feel peaceful and at ease?
There are no right or wrong answers, but it’s always helpful to know what your expectations are so you can communicate them.
Boredom is a normal human experience
Here’s the thing – we’re not meant to be constantly stimulated and excited. That’s a lot for our nervous systems to handle! Boredom is a normal part of life, and it can actually serve an important purpose. Boredom can be an important part of the creative process. When you’re bored, you’re more likely to try new things or experiment with ways to entertain yourself, which can lead to creativity.
It can also be enlightening to pinpoint exactly where the sense of boredom is coming from. Do you wish you would take more adventures together? Are you dissatisfied with your sex life? Are you even interested in fixing the boredom? Sometimes feeling bored can mean that the relationship has run its course, if neither person is interested in making a change. That doesn’t always have to be the case, though.
Why do relationships get boring?
Here are a few reasons why romantic relationships can start to feel boring after a while:
- Your interests change
- You don’t have meaningful conversations with each other
- You’ve both stopped putting effort into your relationship
- You don’t make time for one another
- You’re not sure how to communicate effectively
- You don’t have any hobbies or interests outside of one another
How can I fix a boring relationship?
If you’re not sure where to start with repairing a boring relationship, try to focus on improving your communication skills with one another. It’s also important to put effort into the relationship because if both partners aren’t committed to improving things, it’s going to be hard to make a change.
One easy way to make things exciting in your relationship again is to start trying new things together. Anything that gets you out of your usual routine can help things feel more exciting!
Here are some ways to feel less bored in a relationship:
- Go to a local class or workshop
- Explore some local trails
- Volunteer together
- Try a new sport
- Make each other gifts
- Try a new TV series together
- Ask each other questions (there are card decks out there specifically for this purpose)
- Find something to look forward to together (like a trip or a concert)
- Have dedicated screen-free time regularly
- Try a new cuisine
- Cook a new recipe together
- Recreate your favorite dates
- Schedule (and follow through on!) date nights
- Take walks together
- Teach each other about your hobbies
Anything that will give you something new to explore together can give you a chance to reconnect and feel excited about your relationship again.
If you’re looking for more support as you make sense of your relationship, working with a therapist, either as an individual or as a couple, can equip you with the tools you need to work through tough times with your partner and give you more ideas of ways to connect meaningfully. Get in touch with our office today to get started.